[clever music 011] Raganova - Pitka EP
1. Dilino
2. Fotka
3. Lekorka
4. Pahnost
5. Paytamaha
6. Pitka
Download the release for free here: . . http://www.clevermusic.net
You may have noticed a slight digestive pause in the proceedings here at Clever. We were very surprised when we received a call from Endemol six months ago. They invited us along for a meeting with the producers of a new reality show, airing later this year on Channel 4 called 'Minimal Idol' – our own Alex Stephen playing the uber-equivalent of Simon Cowell and Mark-Henning pulling off a fine cross-over Sharon Osbourne- Louis Armstong of the minimal persuasion. We wanted to give you a sneak preview ...
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Round 1 see's a load of second rate Villalobos wannabees turning up to minimal open days with a laptop and an embarrassing hair cut. But one of the contestants from Slovakia called Raganova catches the judges eye with a fucked up rendition loop called 'Dilino' that sounds like Simon Cowell being given rectal surgery. A tearful Raganova thanks his mum as he goes through to the next stage. The next round we see Raganova really shining through, fending off a Magda-stylised uber-chic competitor with 'Fotka', an anthemic banger laced with enough fruity glitches to get the judges off their seats and jiggy on stage to pogo like idiots. Endemol commission Matell to produce a Raganova toy and the bookies have got Raganova as 3 to 1 to win.
The third stage allows Raganova to demonstrate his power within the minimal ballad, crooning through a voice box on 'Lekorka' to a rapt audience of minimal teeny boppers who promptly throw their knickers at the blushing artist as the medley of fucked up glitches leave the judges speechless. Posters of Raganova crying with joy adorn every minimal child's wall. Now that Raganova is through to the fourth round we get a little of his background, discovering that he was found as a baby in a field in Croatia suckling on a CPU board. Taken in by a pack of cyber punks he was taught the subtle arts of techno. 'Panhost' is an ode to his time as a child, finding his inner minimal and going through cyber puberty.
The semi-finals see Raganova step up his game with 'Paytamaha', surpassing expectations with an effortlessly cool harmonic minimalism cover of Will Young spat through a bit-crusher and fed digital mojitos. Clever Music put out a limited edition minimal towel collection with Raganova's sexy body emblazoned on it, going head to head with Cadenza's scarf collection. For the final round, Raganova takes on a Hawtin lookalike uber dude with 'Pitka'. The competition is fierce and we don't want to give too much away here but suffice to say the tough, jackin' minimal funk juice that Raganova hits the audience with is enough to undo all the damage done by G.. G.. G.. G.. G.. Gareth Gates in one f... f... f... fucked up sweep. The deal is done and minimal idol Raganova is set to be number 1 for Christmas.
So everyone – remember to vote when you see this sh!t on your brain-drain box and stay tuned for Minimal Academy and Minimal Factor! Word.
Didn't realise the zip had all that crap in it... will try and thin it out...
