Relationships and making music

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Phase Ghost
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Re: Relationships and making music

Post by Phase Ghost »

My experience has been: Some chicks get it and some don't. Obviously you have to make a compromise for a relationship, but some women are better suited than others. This is usually the type of girl who is somewhat creative herself I've found.
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Re: Relationships and making music

Post by headband »

Hmmm my situation seems to be quite the contrary to the norm so I can't really comment, but I can understand how difficult it is dealing with someone who doesn't really "get" your passion, the frustrating indifference when you show them something you've slaved over and poured your heart and soul into only to get a nonchalant "cool"


I myself am very lucky though as my partner is also into electronic music and we both have a lot of commonality between our tastes. He is more into classic electronic and berlin school type stuff where as I'm more into modern electronic music and experimental stuff, but we both can share things with one and other that we actually appreciate, it is nice to have someone who "gets" what you do, since we both share a fascination for analog synths we can spend hours looking at synth videos on youtube or playing with my modular, and it's so wonderful to have someone who is right there with you when you start going on about musical jargon that goes over most other people's head.


but I think it is essential to have a partner who respects and supports what you do creatively, I've had relationships where that wasn't the case and looking back on it I'll never again give the time of day to anyone who doesn't at the very least respect what I do.
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Re: Relationships and making music

Post by NoAffiliation »

my girl loves techno as much as i do, i think she started going to DEMF before me and she's younger by a few years

if music is your life DO NOT attempt to participate in a relationship with someone outside of that unless they have some large part of their life taken up by some other type of passion other than you. Even then i say don't settle dude, you only get one life. Sitting down every night and watching television and doing all that sh!t sounds like a living hell to me, but that's just my opinion. i think i've watched like 3 movies with my girlfriend ever, neither of us watch television. She's super creative and talented.

i guarantee you will end up resenting the sh!t out of her if you end up in a cycle you don't like, it will just keep building up and make you hate your life.

and, Do Not believe any girl who says "they understand" in the beginning. it's total bullshit, unless you for sure know the person.

Also, if your girl is a "normal person" don't let her control you. If you're having issues being creative there's probably more of a problem than just the time aspect which you may or may not realize. There are some cool and creative women out there which if you consider yourself creative and cool i'd think you'd want the same. Most women function on a logical level lower than primitive animals, don't let it trap you. My friends and I have a term for people who succumb to the cycle, we say "you assume the role"
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Re: Relationships and making music

Post by AK »

My woman is the love of my life, she is first always. Everything else is a moot point, couldn't give two f*cks about anything or anybody except her. She enjoys my creativity, right now I don't write music, I'm enjoying oil painting again, drawing and a bit of keyboard playing but she encourages every aspect of my creative personality, always has done because she understands my needs and my spirituality. :)
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Re: Relationships and making music

Post by oblioblioblio »

i remember talking to you and she was trying to convince you not to sell your gear! nice person. :)
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Re: Relationships and making music

Post by thomasjaldemark »

my gf is not one of those gf you're talking about...
she's not interested in music or similar creative things alike (except photography) and she's not that fond of the gear and records i spread around the apartment but i gladly ignore that fact and keep going with buying new records and equipment! i think the records laying around are the biggest thing but im hearing less and less complaints....

anyhow, i would not give up her for anything in the world, i love her and she will be the mother of my children in the future :)

to get back to the topic starters question:
i started out with a long distance relationship (as a student) so it was never a problem in the beginning about finding time to make music/feeling free to do so at all. i could do it anytime and i did, mostly when exams was coming up... nowadays I do however feel with you with the feeling that you "have to" make music because you have some free hours and then it just becomes nothing cause you surf the net instead of doing something productive..
i have no good answer to this, i struggle with this myself but it gets better. you just have to force yourself to close that browser and open that music program. even if it becomes "forced" and sound sh!t, you at least tried and probably learned something in the process. I can recommend working together with somebody else, then you don't have the pressure to finish the whole thing by yourself. You can just send over a snippet/tryout/samples or whatever and see what the other person can do with it, And then, you bounce around with that other person, it becomes a whole different thing.

Its the self-discipline thats your problem and i can totally relate to that myself, its one of my biggest problems but it gets better. I dont think there's a good way to get "cured", i for sure havent found it... but please do tell me if you have a golden solution :)
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Re: Relationships and making music

Post by John Clees »

thomasjaldemark wrote: you just have to force yourself to close that browse and open that music program. even if it becomes "forced" and sound sh!t, you at least tried and probably learned something in the process.
so much truth in that..

I actually, just today, wrote out a schedule for the first time in my life..

scheduling only 30 mins a day for internet, and also scheduling a bed time, to assure I have the energy, exercise time, and time in the studio...

time management is everything and for 10 years or more I've wondering why I never had any energy because I've never had a bed time or any set schedule.
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Re: Relationships and making music

Post by Hades »

thomasjaldemark wrote:my gf is not one of those gf you're talking about...
she's not interested in music or similar creative things alike (except photography) and she's not that fond of the gear and records i spread around the apartment but i gladly ignore that fact and keep going with buying new records and equipment! i think the records laying around are the biggest thing but im hearing less and less complaints....

anyhow, i would not give up her for anything in the world, i love her and she will be the mother of my children in the future :)
I can honestly say I have a very supportive and also tolerant wife when it comes to my music.
She doesn't mind me having a whole room in the house full of expensive equipment. She doesn't mind me spending many long days in there. She doesn't mind me buying way too many records. And she doesn't mind me putting on electronical music (mostly techno) all the time.

I guess it helps that it all gradually grew. She knew she got together with a pianist with a DJ history. Only he soon started building a studio that gradually took up the living room and ended up taking a whole seperate room (thank god).

But anyway, I couldn't possibly live with someone not being open to this. It's simply impossible to leave it behind, or even just become less passionate about this.
I've had a brief period of producing (read : messing around with gear) from my 15 till my 18, then lost interest when at univ, then got back into it when I was 22 or so. Thank god I did...
Before that, I was so many times trying to kill my brain (rather sedate it with weed or booze), but getting back into making music made me try to develop my brain more. Sounds stupid, but it's the truth.
So I guess she could also see how much good it did for me as a person.

And of course it also helps to be very active in the whole household thing. I have the kids with me a lot instead of having to put them in the child care every day. I cook every day. I buy the groceries. I bring the kids to school,...
And I work my ass off in my house renovating the whole place.
In fact, my wife keeps telling me I should spend more time in the studio instead of working in the house.

It's one thing to find a good partner, but it also helps a lot if they can't have anything to complain about in your share of the household. It makes it easier to "negotiotate" if it's ever necessary.

I still find it amazing she doesn't mind the techno at all, even though she only listens to classical music.
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