Relationships and making music

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eggnchips
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Relationships and making music

Post by eggnchips » Sun Oct 28, 2012 11:15 am

Hey chaps,

Would like your advice and experiences:
I lived the bachelor lifestyle for a while and always had time for producing music. I kind of made music when it suited me and the more I did it, the more I got into it and the I wanted to do it. Since a year ago I moved city and moved in with my lady, which is great but because of work and then furthermore relationship commitments, I don't have as much free time as I used to so I therefore plan my music making to certain times instead.
This however is affecting my creativity as I can't get used to this kind of schedule arrangement. Instead of making music when I plan to I end up searching the net or doing something else instead. I feel like I can't get into it because I have to get into it whereas when I was a man of leisure I made music more or less all of the time which inspired me to do even more.
What you reckon?

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Re: Relationships and making music

Post by oblioblioblio » Sun Oct 28, 2012 12:51 pm

I've often had complications from music and relationships. Music is absolutely related to my survival and it's the most important thing in my life. Whenever and however far I fell music was always there.

Last year I met someone, and I stopped focussing on my music for a while, which was nice, cos I've been working solidly on my music for many years. And it was beautiful in it's own way to just be with someone else. But it was hard to get my music back and work on it like I used to, and to incorperate it into the landscape of our relationship. My partner wasn't that able to see music making as completely related to my survival, and often saw my music as competition for her and didn't respect my need for dedicated studio time with no contact with the outside world. It was hard as well because I wasn't able to defend my music making as being professional, because I don't do it for money, so I wasn't really able to stand up for why it was so important to me using the fact I earn money from it. It was also hard that my dedication to music would have meant sacrifices from her, she had particular visions about what she wanted to get from the world and the sacrifices that come from dedicating yourself to music did not always fit in with these ideas. And perhaps I wasn't willing to give things up, but inside I know what I have and need to do, perhaps it's selfish, but in a way it is about survival for me.

It was really hard to get her to come into my music world, I don't think she was that able to join me there, and many attempts to bridge this particular gap ended up in really terrible complicated emotional situations and conflict.

I'm sure no relationship is a picnic 24/7, and I guess there is a level where you have to compromise and work hard to find the middle ground where everyone's needs are met. But for my relationship, I think there were core differences that were not able to be resolved through discussion or compromise.

So for now it's back to the safety net of music.

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Re: Relationships and making music

Post by steevio » Sun Oct 28, 2012 3:18 pm

absolutely no problem here. my partner is an artist and my live audio-visual performance partner too.
when we need to get on with our own thing we just do it, we've never had a real argument in 15 years about work, music , art or anything else for that matter. we are soulmates and respect each other's creative needs, and also spend almost every minute of every day with each other, or working on our own projects in the same environment.

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Ingemar
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Re: Relationships and making music

Post by Ingemar » Sun Oct 28, 2012 3:47 pm

as for me, being one who doesn't believe that the mad genius style creativity is more than a myth or at best a stroke of luck/serendipity - having a solid relationship has meant very much for my work. My lady is about as creative as a brick, but she respects my needs and lets me be as weird about creativity as I want to. To me it sort of enables a more focused and controlled approach to making music, both that I rarely experience radical emotional uppers and downers, and that I for natural reasons have to be effective with the few hours I actually get to spend on music.

Most important, and this I cannot stress enough, is that I know that she loves me no matter what strange sh!t I compose. I have no need what so ever to impress her with the best techno, weirdes/coolest sound or whatever. It wouldn't matter if I was Red One or Max Martin, Jay-Z, John Cage or Ingemar, I am free to create whatever I want, knowing that it doesn't matter if I "fail" (to impress anyone) or not.

As for OP, you cannot get advice on this topic, you can only find out for yourself if it works or not, and what is the most important. I can only hope to inspire you to stick with it even though it can be hard to bear the change the first months/years.

But you know what they say, "ultimately it is our will to remain the same that limits us"

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Re: Relationships and making music

Post by tone-def » Sun Oct 28, 2012 5:34 pm

I find having a relationship is important to my music making. I recently split from my girlfriend of 6 years and I feel I've lost some of my drive to be creative. I get a lot more time to make music but I just feel a bit flat emotionally. The only positive thing about being single is I don't have to justify my gear buying habits.

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Re: Relationships and making music

Post by eggnchips » Sun Oct 28, 2012 5:44 pm

I didn't mean to come across like my girlfriend forbids me making music. I am trying to make a point that a relationship is a compromise and that I have to kind of plan when I want to produce to be fair. This however isn't working well with my usual style of producing when I feel like it.

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Re: Relationships and making music

Post by simonb » Mon Oct 29, 2012 11:24 am

I can't imagine living with a girlfriend just now - sure it's sometimes nice to come home from work, get dinner and just hang out and watch TV til bedtime but I have friends who live with their SO and that's every night for them, it's hard to think of anything more depressing. I need my producing/DJing time; my job these days is getting fairly intense these days and a lot's expected of me; I want to see my friends and go to good nights and so on; so between all that I already constantly feel on the edge of burnout never mind a time-consuming relationship.

The girl I'm seeing just now doesn't seem to mind that I only manage to see her once every week or 2, or if she does she's not complained... :|

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sven laux
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Re: Relationships and making music

Post by sven laux » Mon Oct 29, 2012 11:45 am

oblioblioblio wrote:I'm sure no relationship is a picnic 24/7, and I guess there is a level where you have to compromise and work hard to find the middle ground where everyone's needs are met.
+1

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